Showdown

Dunkin Doughnuts and Starbucks have long been enemies. It was a well known controversy from day one, and the coffee chain was wining. But now, Dunkin Doughnuts has challanged the worlds fast coffee superpower. They are on operation expantion and will be for an upward of 14 years!
A Penguin associate, Mr. Quak, has been working out the details of this controversy for the last ten years of his life. As leader of the Controversy and Arguement Department (CAD) he has spent much of his spare time, thinking up problems. Of course, the majority of the department's time goes to manipulating Elelctions and such. Quak has devoted much his alleged "spare Time" to this project, and hopes to recieve a good pay off from it.
"The P.U. owes me over a thousand shiny stones in overtime." HE declared proudly. Unfortunatly, Flibble claims that he will not recieve the pay, untill the P.U. is finachally sound again.
"As soon as our American branch has set up a base again, we will get more money from the individuals of America." This means that a whole third of your Tax dollars are actualy going to the Penguins, though this fact is not realized by the President. As soon as our base is set up, the money will come in a steady flow.
Quak was dissapointed when he heard that he would not be recieving pay for a plan that he put into action and that promises great sucsess for the P.U.'s Discordian sect.
The DIscordian sect is a new and experimental program that the Penguins have been running for almost three months now. Discordians who wish to become part of the sect in order to help the penguins induce chaos and take part in those wild saturday night staff partys, must contact thier nearest Penguins base. Mr.Flibble will not divulge any other information on the sect at this point in time.

Penguins Go Into Hibernation!

Some veriatys of Penguins in the northermost parst of Queen Maudland, the area of anarctica where the P.U. is based, are planning to go into hibernation as a precaution for global warming.
We tried to explain to them that the P.U. has the technology to render them, invurnrable to heat, but the civilians are convienced that the death of there cities is near.
If you were to go to antarctica now you would encounter thousands, nay millions of Penguins marching south to the center of thier icy relm. Once there, they will dig giant tunnels through the ice and attempt to hibernate.
"It will be hard to stop eating the caviar, but I've been eating as much as I can along the way and hope to not get hungry durring the hibernation."
Althogh they do not know how long it will be untill the next ice age occurs, when they hope to revive, some Penguins plan on hibernating for over two hundred years. Officials have done thier best to put the Civilian's minds at ease, but so far havn't managed to keep the birds from marching on thier way.

Notice

I have deleated some dead links, but I'm not sure if they dissapeered. The ones that are no longer in service are "What Penguins Do For Fun" "Teens are stupid" And "kitty go phsyco"

I dream of Penguins

I dream...
You dream....
We all dream of the plans of the great nuclear destructor ray that will eat us in our sleep if we are bad children.


The P.U. is is under seige. In an effort to conserve thier great cause, they have been sending all thier plans for weapons and such into the dreams of loyal supports who apply in hopes that they can set up from scratch in the new Oregon base that I am working on finding. I applied, being required to, and found my dreams bombarded with intricate mathmatics and codes and incoded names and some Brainbuster puzzles to work on on the weekends. It was hell. At least at first. Out of sympathy, Flibble made me a special machine so when I wake up in the morning, it will record everything and leave my mind fresh and blank aas the before coffee place.

Mr.Flibble himself didn't sign up. The UN has implanted shuper sheecret shpy equipment into the minds of almost every Penguin in the P.U. To keep them from discovering thier secrets, they have called on us puny humans to do thier work and record thier noble findings.
WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH PEOPLE!. No one involved with the P.U. is getting a decent nights sleep. Don't you love us? If you do, you should help us fight the U.N. secret scociety of Janitors by signing up to recieve information. DO NOT WRITE ANY OF IT DOWN!!!!! We can not risk the Janitors finding out such precious information. The plans for the machine to extract the information from your brain at the apropriate time anr safly encoded in a secret location that I can not divulge. Once you sign up, you will dream of shit you probably don't even understant, making you a perfect storage place for such precious cargo. People instictivly fear what they don't understand, don't like to think about it, and there for leave it alone.

SIGN UP NOW!

Write your name and the password for acsess to your dreams on a slip of 100% recyled hemp paper and bury in soft peate for three months. Then eat it.

What? What was that? You don't know the password to your dream?! You're more stupid than we thought...