Penguins Arn't Christians

As to what they are, I'm not sure. Lately they have been up to some wide spread, ground breaking,trouble. A spy and worker in Italy, is pressing charges against the Roman Catholic Church for " Abuse of Popular belief," " Religios Racism," And " The impersonation of others of a false name. " All this clever talk means, the cort is being asked to prove that Jesus Christ exsistd.More on this topic will be disclosed later.

Exclusive!

Janitors in schools everywhere have been ploting against the Penguins. Yesterday, three Penguins were rescued from the tunnels beneath Yaquina View Elementry school in Newport, Oregon.
All Penguin supporters on alert! Alert! Alert! If you go to a school, any school, start a protest of the mistreatment of Penguins. If you make the news, think of how maney other supporters you could reach. No other news is available.

Marching Out

I am moving my command to Chile by boat. When they get there, i will march them up the Andies to the Galopogus. Once there, we will wait for boats to Japan. Why Japan? Who knows?

Happity Skippity

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I just got the notice, I now command an entire THIRD of the P. U. Army! ( No more gross dead people! ) I've already been introduced to the guys, and the really exciting news is that I can now give much more information on Penguin movements.

Mr. Flibble

Maney People have asked about my dear friend, Mr. Flibble, so here is his story in his own words.

Q: Who were you parents?

A: Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Flibble. They were middle class Penguins. My father owned a cozy nest where i grew up, and introduced me to General Huggles, who lived next door.

Q:You said, they " were " your parents, what hapened to them?

A: My father got eaten by a leapord seal and i don't know where my mother went.

Q: How did you get into such an influential position?

A: After I left home, I stumbled onto a P. U. meeting by acident. General Huggles couldn't let me go because I had heard too much, so he offered me a position instead. I started as an office cleark and climbed the ladder in the traditional way.One Day, i was told to find a sutable house to be a host for a Penguin Base. I narrowed down my choices like this.

1. A small city close to the ocean.

2.A house with a P. U. supporter living in it.

3.Interesting inhabitents

4. The house looked good

I landed on Murdock's house. When I found out she had a position and needed a Penguin represenative, i quickly volenteered. Her good Ideas and advise pushed me further up the ladder.

Interview exerpt from the soon to come, "The Life of Mr. Flibble " By Murdock Kawfi

Scocial News

Okay, here's the gossip for the week. General Huggles ( A verry important Penguin you'll be hearing more about as time goes by ) was married to an increadably sexy Penguin named Ophelia. ( When I say " sexy " I'm quoting Mr. Flibble, they all the same to me. )

Brains!

Now, about the meeting mentioned in the last post,.... By popular demand, I've been put in command of a large portion of the army of undead. It's not as much fun as you'd think. Most of the soldiers can only learn two or three words, ans already know them. Thier vocabulary consists of, " Brains! , " Kill! ", and " Blood! " As you can imagine, this makes it hard to comunacate. Luckily, Mr. flibble is vouching for me to get a better command. If you'd like to help, click on the link that says "Watch me eat you brain! "

Dead People

I discovered that a great number of people suposedly dead have just retired into Penguin scociety. I was down in antarctica for a P. U. meeting when Mr. Flibble offered to show me around. He took me to a disterict reserved for retired human spys and workers. The houses were HUGE! I met ans talked to trhe following people.

Albert Einstien - Talk about getting on in the years. he is a close friend of Mr. Flibble and still works for the Penguins to help build and design gadgets. When I entered his house, he was bobbing around the roof wearing a pair of anti - gravity boots.

Hitchcock - He never worked for the Penguins, but the admired him so much that they offered him a place to stay.

Marilyn Monroe - yes, THE Marilyn Monroe, I found her pretty......anoying.

Elvis Prestly - he anoyed me to. He never actualy SPYED for the penguins ( he WAS supposed to, though ) they keep him because they belive that , had thier plan suceeded, he would have been the key element.

Dr. Suess - His books depict the way the world will be when penguins rule, wierd, whacky, and fun. he will always be considered the greatest propaganda wrighter on this planet. ( To honor Dr. Suess, buy a copy of " Oh! The Places You'll Go! " )

Douglas Adams - He was cool.

Circular Math

I was doing my math homework one night when I got stuck, so I asked Mr. Flibble for help. When he could't get the algebra to wrap around my thick skull, he told me about a secret form of penguin mathmatics called circular math. The baisic law of circular math is this, " You always end with whatever you started with." The most baisic equation is (A + B ) - ( C + D ) = A.
This was the first circular math problem to ever be written by a human, thanks to our dear friend, Leonardo Da ' Vinci. First invented by Da ' Vinci, ( I absolutaly adore Da 'Vinci, he was a Penguin spy ) the circular math is used widespread through out Penguin scociety. Although it has little use except in reference to itself, it no doubt inspired Douglass Adams to write about the Infinate Improbability Drive in his book, " The Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy. "