Back in Hippyville

Yes, after much sneaking around, I've returned to my home base in Hippyville, looking to enter another school year, where I can be close with the Janitors of America and persuade them not to join their brethren of the U.K. At the moment, I'm preparing for the Annual P.U. Hooman Worker Retreat, that will take place in some unspecified place in the Oregon coastal woods.

This is the first year I've been invited to the retreat, and I must say, it doesn't sound very exciting. I dislike most my human allies as it is, and MORE time with them would be... taxing. But Flibble says I HAVE to go. After all, it's good P.R., and the best reputation is by word of mouth.

So, I've packed by sunscreen and bug repellant, and off I go to sing insincere songs about ever lasting friendship with a group of people whose closest relationships involve spontaneous, unfaithful sex and and argument over who broke the copier.

So long, till next time.
-Kawfi

Project Babel Fysh

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The Penguins have chosen to include me in yet another one of their plans. Being fascinated by languages, I have long been on a quest to learn many of them. Yesterday, Flibble approached me in my secret place of hiding and informed me that as I am the P.R. department, I must learn as many languages as I can. I was thrilled. They are aiding me in my quest with a little thing called "Project Babel Fysh." In honor of Douglas Adams. (I tried to tell them that fish isn't spelled with a "y", but do they ever listen?)

My handle is now Babel Fish on every Penguin controlled radio channel. Oh? Didn't I tell you? The Penguins have their own radio system. Sort of like H.A.M. Radios, but They're P.U.R.S. instead. (Penguins United Radio System.) General Huggles had Einstein design them for us, and there is only 7 in the whole world, of which I am a proud owner. Well... actually, Flibble is a proud owner, and since I am his Hooman (Honorable Orator Of Man An Newt.) Man being humans, and Newt being, well.. Newts. I Orate (Talk) about the suffering of Newts everywhere and how this affects the P.U., and about what Man is up to.

Besides that, nothing much is happening here. The Penguins are very upset about the upcoming election, because though they're candidate was defeated early on by both Obama AND Hillary.
"Elections everywhere are just becoming too much work to rig now that everyone's trying to do it." Said an Election Worker Penguin yesterday. "We couldn't even succeed in Russia, and that's a place old enough to get direct officials on site." Now that Hooman degrees have been being distributed to Homosapien allies, the P.U. feels that they should send their officials out to get the Newts on board with the Electron Crew.
"You see, Newts are marvelous creatures." Says Huggles, "They are small, go unnoticed, and can inhabit a much more diverse area then us Penguins. Kamakaze newts can even drop themselves into people's morning drinks, killing off the candidates we don't want running. It would look like an accident, after all, who is going to blame a Newt for murder?"

In reaction to the Hooman and Newt campaigns, the Blue Footed Boobies have started a campaign to kill off as many Newts as possible. Aiding them in their cause with cleaners and pest control officers, are the U.K.'s janitors.
American janitors are being tainted to! Protect the Newts! Even if it means recycling a little more and remembering not to dump things in storm drains, you can do it. It's what's right.

For those supporters wishing to do more, write to your local P.U. office. A donation would be nice, too.